I am a half-sibling.
For some reason, saying that sounds almost dirty. It makes me feel like less of a person, and seems to downplay the relationships that I have with my sister and brothers. Half-sibling, to me, implies that I am only half of a person; that somehow I am not complete. Despite the various roles I have played in the lives of my siblings, I feel as though outsiders see our relationships as being somehow inferior to those shared by full-siblings. A quick Internet search on “half-sibling relationships” shows that I am not alone in feeling this way, as countless articles have been published regarding the complexities that exist within half-sibling relationships. Many other half-siblings, particularly those who met in their teen or adult years, describe having close relationships that they feel the rest off the world doesn’t recognize as being as powerful as the relationships between full-siblings. In a world filled with divorce and remarriage, it is surprising how few half-siblings feel truly welcome, important or valued in society.
My sister and I share the same mother. We are four and a half years apart and grew up living under the same roof. I was born in Dundee, Scotland and relocated back to Denver, Colorado with my mother as a child. Shortly after our return, my mother met my sister’s father and Brynn was born. I was there to hold her the day she was born, and quickly adapted to my older sister duties. I missed the opportunity to see her take her first steps because I was back in Scotland vacationing with my grandparents for the summer, but I have been there for every other major milestone in her life. I watched Brynn learn how to ride a bike, and later helped teach her how to drive. I was there for her sixth grade continuation and her first day of high school. I helped her get ready for her first date and took her shopping for her prom dress. Even though we are several years apart, she is one of my best friends.
Despite this strong bond that my sister and I share, we are constantly barraged by questions from outsiders. “Why don’t you look alike?” or “Why do you have different last names?“ seem to be the most common reactions people have upon learning that we are sisters. Most people don’t even believe that we are truly related. When someone asks, one of us is forced to admit that we are, in fact, “only half-sisters.” Some people take this answer as it is and move on. Others respond with something along the lines of “So you’re not really sisters?” It’s the latter of the two that always stings the most. To these people, it doesn’t seem to matter that we were raised together, that I changed her diapers or that we both came from the same womb; they simply see two young women who look nothing alike and discount our relationship altogether.
My relationship with my brothers is the polar opposite of the one I have with my sister in many ways, but does share its commonalities. My brothers grew up with our father on the other side of the country, and I did not formally meet them until I was 20 years old. I was not present for their childhood milestones like I was for Brynn’s, which is something I will likely struggle with and feel sadness about for the rest of my life. Nick is roughly 18 months younger than I am, while Jakes is six years younger than me. Because of the stigma I faced about being a half-sibling to Brynn, I was terrified that my brothers, who are full-siblings would not fully accept me as their sister when we first met.
My fears were unfounded, and in the past year I have developed a good relationship with both of my brothers. I immediately identified with both of them and adapted quickly to having two younger brothers. People in their home town were confused by my presence and were full of questions, many of which inevitably led to having to tell them we are half-siblings and that I do, indeed have a different mother. This brought about some of the same reactions my sister and I have faced, though I look considerably more like Nick and Jake than I look like Brynn. At one point, a friend of Jake’s asked, “So what’s it feel like having a half-sister?” My brother paused for a second before responding, “I imagine it feels the same as having a whole-sister. She’s my sister, and she isn’t half a person”
Though I ignored this comment at first, my brother’s reaction summarizes how I feel about all three of my siblings. They are exactly that; my siblings. When I talk to my sister, I call her my sister. When I talk to my brothers, they are my brothers. I could not love or cherish them more if we shared two parents. They are three of the most important people in my life, and I look forward to our futures and the milestones I will be able to share with them. While my sister and I are closer due to being raised together, I don’t love her any more or less than I love my brothers. Despite the negative stigma and insulting questions I know we will face for the rest of our lives, I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world. I am proud to be the older sister of three amazing younger siblings, half-related or not.
by Bronwyn Timmons
For some reason, saying that sounds almost dirty. It makes me feel like less of a person, and seems to downplay the relationships that I have with my sister and brothers. Half-sibling, to me, implies that I am only half of a person; that somehow I am not complete. Despite the various roles I have played in the lives of my siblings, I feel as though outsiders see our relationships as being somehow inferior to those shared by full-siblings. A quick Internet search on “half-sibling relationships” shows that I am not alone in feeling this way, as countless articles have been published regarding the complexities that exist within half-sibling relationships. Many other half-siblings, particularly those who met in their teen or adult years, describe having close relationships that they feel the rest off the world doesn’t recognize as being as powerful as the relationships between full-siblings. In a world filled with divorce and remarriage, it is surprising how few half-siblings feel truly welcome, important or valued in society.
Despite this strong bond that my sister and I share, we are constantly barraged by questions from outsiders. “Why don’t you look alike?” or “Why do you have different last names?“ seem to be the most common reactions people have upon learning that we are sisters. Most people don’t even believe that we are truly related. When someone asks, one of us is forced to admit that we are, in fact, “only half-sisters.” Some people take this answer as it is and move on. Others respond with something along the lines of “So you’re not really sisters?” It’s the latter of the two that always stings the most. To these people, it doesn’t seem to matter that we were raised together, that I changed her diapers or that we both came from the same womb; they simply see two young women who look nothing alike and discount our relationship altogether.
My fears were unfounded, and in the past year I have developed a good relationship with both of my brothers. I immediately identified with both of them and adapted quickly to having two younger brothers. People in their home town were confused by my presence and were full of questions, many of which inevitably led to having to tell them we are half-siblings and that I do, indeed have a different mother. This brought about some of the same reactions my sister and I have faced, though I look considerably more like Nick and Jake than I look like Brynn. At one point, a friend of Jake’s asked, “So what’s it feel like having a half-sister?” My brother paused for a second before responding, “I imagine it feels the same as having a whole-sister. She’s my sister, and she isn’t half a person”
Though I ignored this comment at first, my brother’s reaction summarizes how I feel about all three of my siblings. They are exactly that; my siblings. When I talk to my sister, I call her my sister. When I talk to my brothers, they are my brothers. I could not love or cherish them more if we shared two parents. They are three of the most important people in my life, and I look forward to our futures and the milestones I will be able to share with them. While my sister and I are closer due to being raised together, I don’t love her any more or less than I love my brothers. Despite the negative stigma and insulting questions I know we will face for the rest of our lives, I wouldn’t trade any of them for the world. I am proud to be the older sister of three amazing younger siblings, half-related or not.
by Bronwyn Timmons
2 comments:
:) I'm also a half sibling. All of my siblings are actually. lol <3 <3 great post! We never ever say "half" though. We're bros and sisses always.
I am also a half sibling but never use that term. In fact never used the term stepbrother/sister either. You summed up my feelings on the subject beautifully though.
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